


Falling (Away) Slowly

by dramady



Category: Friday Night Lights
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-04
Updated: 2010-04-04
Packaged: 2017-10-08 17:16:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/77750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dramady/pseuds/dramady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Falling slowly, eyes that know me, And I can't go back."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Falling (Away) Slowly

**Author's Note:**

> This takes into account season 3, regarding Tim's relationship status as well as Jason's, and his future plans.
> 
> **Author's notes**: Title and lyrics belong to Glen Hansard, whose song inspired this.

_ Words fall through me  
And always fool me  
And I can't react  
And games that never amount  
To more than they're meant  
Will play themselves out_

 

It's quiet. Still. Jason sits in the sand that he can't feel, looking out at still water, the glassy surface only marred by dragonflies that will land occasionally then fly off.

"What happened, Street?" Tim asks in that quiet, baffled voice. Out of the corner of his eye, Jason sees him, legs drawn up, elbows resting on his knees, looking out on the lake, too.

"You know what happened," he finally answers. "It was inevitable."

Tim turns and Jason can feel the gaze on his face almost like a touch. "I don't believe that."

"Tim," Jason says, then pushes the frustration of his voice, though he doesn't look at him. "You got the girl. You can do ... whatever it is you do until you fuck it up and make her cry and life goes on."

"Nice," comes the sighed out reply. "But that's not what I meant. And you know it."

"So, what did you mean?" Jason asks, softly this time, finally turning to look at his best friend.

"With us," is Tim's reply. "What happened to us?"

Before Jason can say that there was never an 'us,' the lie of his planned reply hits him and he shakes his head slowly. "You slept with Lyla and I lost my legs. You drank too much and I'm having a kid. I think they call that 'life.'" But even he knows it's much more complicated than that. It's always been complicated. Street plus Riggs equals Complicated.

"Bullshit," Tim says and Jason has to laugh.

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to say..." Pausing for a moment, Tim looks back out over the water. "I want you to say that you miss what we had."

Jason looks out over the water and doesn't answer.

 

_ Take this sinking boat and point it home  
We've still got time  
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice  
You've made it now_

 

He's handed another beer and Jason sets it in the sand so that it doesn't fall over and he watches Tim flick the lids into the water, watches the orbits as the lids land on the surface then disappear and he watches as the lake stills again.

"I love her," Tim says into the bottle before he takes a sip.

Jason just nods.

"She still loves you."

"I know. I love her too. Probably always will."

"Things got all fucked up."

Unable not to laugh, Jason nods, picking up his sweating beer bottle and taking a drink. Tim would never be a philosopher.

"Shut up." But Tim's laughing too.

"That's, like... totally profound."

"Fuck you, Street."

By this time, they're both laughing hard enough that when they're done, they're leaning against each other. And Jason realizes that, yes, he has missed this. Very much.

 

_ Falling slowly, eyes that know me  
And I can't go back  
Moods that take me and erase me  
And I'm painted black  
You have suffered enough  
And warred with yourself  
It's time that you won_

By the third beer, Tim's arm is around his shoulders, his nose in Jason's hair and they're back to not talking. The sun is setting, burning itself into the lake and slowly disappearing. Jason watches this through squinted eyes, marveling at how nature works to make such beauty and, in the back of his head, he wonders why his legs still don't work, but the thought is fleeting and vanishes before he can hold on to it.

Tim shifts a little and Jason feels his lips against his cheek, warm breath on his ear.

"Tim--"

"Don't, Street," he hears and Tim doesn't move, so Jason closes his eyes, doesn't fight it, doesn't really want to. When Tim starts to kiss him, Jason turns into it, letting his eyes fall closed, letting those lips that taste like Tim and taste like beer and memories press against his own. His lips part and he feels Tim's tongue run along them, oddly polite, before pushing in and he licks against it and he can't physically feel it, but it the tingle, he swears, runs to his toes. At the very least, there are goosebumps on the back of his neck and he feels his face flush.

Small kisses follow, interspersed with deeper ones, Tim's arm tightening around Jason's neck, Jason's hand coming to rest on Tim's thigh. Jason can feel Tim's smile and he smiles too, but he keeps his eyes closed, even when he feels Tim pull back.

After a moment, he looks up and Tim's got that half-smile, green eyes watching him through long eyelashes. "What?"

"Nothing," Tim says, and he looks back as the last of the sun disappears into the lake. "I'm gonna miss this."

Resting his cheek in the crook of Tim's neck, Jason doesn't answer, just watches the first star come out and without being entirely aware of it, he makes a wish, forgetting what he wishes for right after he does it.

 

_ Take this sinking boat and point it home  
We've still got time  
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice  
You've made it now  
Falling slowly sing your melody  
I'll sing along_

Back in the passenger seat of Tim's truck, Jason rests his arm on the still-warm metal of the window. He feels warm and easy and quiet. The engine roars to life and he slouches lower in his seat as they take off. In the rear view mirror, he watches the lake shore recede and he knows he won't be back. Whatever was here isn't anymore and there's an ache in his chest to show for it.

Tim's sunburnt across the bridge of his nose and Jason's face feels tight, too. When Tim takes his hand, Jason lets him, turning his up so that their fingers can lace together a little bit. Tim's hands should be rougher than they are, Jason realizes, out of nowhere, and the engine is loud enough that they don't have to talk. What is there to say, Jason wonders.

When Tim stops in front of what will only be Jason's home for a few more days before he moves, he doesn't get out right away, instead shutting down the truck and tugging lightly on Jason's hand to get him to look at him. "Do you really think I'll fuck things up?"

Jason looks over at him and is slow to answer. "You've got a pretty crappy track record."

But Tim looks at him with that intent gaze of his, as if Jason's answer really matters and so Jason shrugs. "I don't know, Tim. I hope not. Just like I hope I don't either."

"You won't," Tim says. "You don't really screw up."

Chuffing out a dry laugh, Jason tries to look away but Tim tugs on his hand again, not letting him.

"Six."

"Riggs, don't."

"No, Jay, listen. I ... " Tim's brow knits. "I need you to know. I need you to know that .... "

Each word is labored, his brow furrowed and Jason wants to soothe him, wants to tell him that it doesn't matter, whatever Tim's going to say, that Jason knows whatever Tim's going to say, but none of those things are true, so he sits there and he waits.

"I need you to know that I love you. That you're my _best friend_ no matter what. No matter what, Six. That nothing can change that. Nothing. Okay?"

"I know, Tim. I know."

"Do you? I know I've been bad at shit. I know I'm a loser. I know all that, Street, but the one good thing's been that you're my friend, even when things were really crappy, when I fucked up. I need you to know that."

"I _know_, Tim, okay?" Jason bounces their joined hands on the bench seat, knowing too easily what saying this has cost Tim, for whom words with real meaning behind them never come easy. "I know."

Tim looks out the windshield, nodding, and the silence stretches out again, hazed like the night sky now dotted with stars. After a moment, he pulls their hands to his cheek and nuzzles them and for some reason, Jason's eyes sting.

Then Tim lets go and opens his door, climbing out and shutting it behind himself. He gets Jason's wheelchair from the back and sets it on the sidewalk, then he opens Jason's door and leans in, pulling off the seatbelt, and when he's there, close, Jason catches his cheek and turns Tim to face him.

"I love you too, Tim," Jason whispers and kisses him for just a moment before putting both arms around his neck so Tim can pull him out and set him down.

He sits in his chair and watches as Tim's taillights disappear into the night. And he sits a while longer, looking up and down his street. He won't miss Dillon, even if he's leaving part of himself behind when he goes.


End file.
